Mama Taught Me

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION -
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL -
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC -
"Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT -
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY -
"Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -
"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA -
"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER -
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
"Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY -
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

Why Ask Why Part 2

** Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

** Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

** Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

** Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

** Why is a boxing ring square?

** Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

** Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

** Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

** Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

** Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?

** Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

** Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?

** Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

** Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why Ask Why

WHY ASK WHY?


Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

Why is it call "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

High Heels